NEXT-GEN CONSOLE BATTLE

 Sep 02, 2014
So it was always going to be a massive deal which console faction won the war, right? That's like your team, man. Everyone knows a real gamer has brand loyalty. He bleeds marketing. So it was on us, the neutral press, to pick apart all the hype, and get right to the top of this question: What is the ultimate kick ass video experience of 2013? Well, we've been sweating on this one for some time, and in all honestly there have been some fierce debates, and even some ended friendships over our findings... But in the interests of freedom of expression, and the right to information, we have eventually decided to publish this article. Set your eyes upon the ULTIMATE NEXT-GEN CONSOLE DECIDER!!! Ding ding



First, we had a little statistical breakdown from resident user sam who helped us weigh down the differences between the four options. Here they are:









We've been playing around with these guys in the office for a while now, but after a while some of us got a bit sore so naturally after that we decided to play some videogames, and when we did the choice of which should be the winner of the next-gen console wars is absolutely lucid. To be honest, the difference in quality between the 4 competitors is so pronounced that there was really no contest.


So the contest winner is: We You!! That's right, Wii You, originally given the name as a (mistranslated) reference to Rotherham's Chuckle Brothers, what started as a simple joke between friends has gone on to become an explosion of world entertainment. That's right, this was the time Miyamoto finally stepped up to the full HD experience (after many had derided the former Wii One for its SD gameplay limitations). Well this time the trolls have no such meat because Nintendo Entertainment Systems has really stepped up and volleyed this one straight out of the field. Now you not only have all your favourite Mario characters in your Nintendo instruction book (in full colour!), you also get a new FUTURISTIC DS included!! I had no idea that this was the case when it arrived but boy, is it in the case. For the first time we're able to really see what kind of metal it might be on Mario's buttons, and let me tell you it's worth every penny that we've had to wait. When you look at lunch titles for each of the consoles, it's pretty clear that since the Wii You is the only one with any games out at this point, that it had to be declared the outright champion of our gamer hearts. Haters gonna gesticulate, this is our official choice.




So that concludes this end-ever for us. FFWA Officially declares the Wii U to be its next-gen mascot. Congratulations everyone who got paid to take part! Also, sorry to have to do this but could we just ask that you guys try not to big up Xb1 or PSF too much on the boards, just so that we can help create balance for our readers. Thanks.

Alright that's it from us, the game journalist bros of Westeros. Catch you soon slut haters (and lovers lol!)
- The Guru

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» Sep 02, 2014: NEXT-GEN CONSOLE BATTLE

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